Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
