Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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