i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
