Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
