He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
