i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
