we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
