in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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