I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
