Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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