I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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