I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Randomize
