someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
