Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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