His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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