Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
