Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
