before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
