At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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