I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
