Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
