Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
