There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize