my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
