the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
