You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
