Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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