i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
