SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
