I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
