your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I CAN MOONWALK!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
