were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
