If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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