No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
