Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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