I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
