You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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