dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's always time for handjobs
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
