we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The adults are the big ones right?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
