Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
