the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize