i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
