my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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