I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
