Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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