but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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