i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
