I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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