Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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