i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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