Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
