Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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