turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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