Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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