My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
