Say something about gay babies.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
this is an emotional support booty call
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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