you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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