there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
