She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
