she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone came in the potted fern
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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