DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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