i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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