he wants to bone in the snuggie
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
