Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just pee around me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
