and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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